Lovely intangibles

Lovely Intangibles. That was the name she chose for herself, when she was on the dating site more than ten years ago. Filly had liked that name because she loved the movie “miracle on 34th street” and the related quote.

“Don’t overlook those lovely intangibles, you’ll discover those are the only things worthwhile”.

The things she considered valuable in a relationship, were things most people considered lovely intangibles. Things like soul, integrity, grit, determination, talent, intelligence, humor. Which would put her at odds with the goals of most of the dating environment. But those were the days when Filly was getting good at making bad decisions. Those days were gone.

Right now, sitting beside her husband in the car, they were driving past the shuttered “Boston Market” and they had been talking about how it had been such a good place to go, and then it had been bought. The new owners had tried to make too much money and they did not keep up the quality. The place went downhill fast.

Her brother in law likewise had a couple of restaurants he was trying to run. And there were things in that restaurant as well that were being done to increase profits that he did not like. But her husband reminded Filly that he had been careful to always pay attention to his employees, and to quality of food and service…things that were lovely intangibles (that was how the word came up in her thinking). And so he would be successful.

He was the same man who told her to “pour life” on those around us…no matter what we are going through…to lift others up with our words and our actions.

Filly had been uber critical of her husbands handling of a recent situation. She found numerous things to slam and she did not hesitate to speak her mind. It had been a rough couple of days. But after reading her bible verse, and getting quiet, she realized that she could, and should, work on herself first. She had learned, from her dad, that people do things to improve themselves when they feel motivated, not when they are yelled at or shamed. She also did not like to be yelled at or shamed. So she decided to take action on her own shortcomings instead of going after her husband. She felt like she had experienced a paradigm shift.

She told her sister about it. Because she loved sugar and wanted to keep eating sugar, but instead in just one fell swoop, she decided she absolutely would stop eating sugar. That was it. She was done. Like an instantaneous moment of choosing to go cold turkey in stopping something she wanted to do. It felt really empowering.

Then, the night before, she had a second paradigm shift. When she woke up, instead of staying in bed and trying to sleep, she redid a painting she had already finished, but this time she painted it the way that she felt inspired to paint, instead of painting the way she thought that the people in the picture would want her to paint.

She realized that the painting also represented clarity of direction as well. The ability to paint something with freedom was symbolic Filly thought. When she saw something wrong, with family or friends, she would speak up. But then she would work on herself. There was plenty to work on. Things still upset her. For example, she had seen her friend, the one who had stopped talking to her.

But she was thinking about her new friend. She spoke to “God” by looking up bible verses every day. The drama of lost friendships, and distant family members, and other problems seemed to pale in comparison to what God had to say. God was the master of the lovely intangibles. Filly should know.