the road trip first day
July 31 2024
The hotel Filly chose to stay at happened by accident. She was looking for one hotel that she had seen on a sign but this other hotel came up first. It was by a shopping mall on the outskirts of Amarillo. Filly and her husband joked and always called the town armadillo when they drove through. She thought she probably would not stay at the hotel because it looked like one of the more expensive ones in the area. She stopped anyway because she was tired.
When she parked and went inside, she saw that the lobby and the halls were full of huge pallets of boxes. The pallets were taking up a significant part of the lobby. Filly went up to the lady who was very nice and who was talking about the Olympics (which Filly had boycotted watching). Filly had only accidentally seen a two minute part of one event with women climbing up a rock wall. Like they were practically flying. She asked the lady if the hotel was under construction and the lady said it was being renovated.
She also asked the lady if the room had a fridge because she had to put all her cooler items in the fridge to keep them from getting spoiled. She had cheese, turkey, water bottles, Premier Protein, apples, blueberries, cherry tomatoes and some freezer packs that had thawed out. She was not sure how she would keep it all cold without freezer packs but that was a problem for tomorrow.
The room cost was under a hundred bucks which was great news. No pets allowed, also great news, because the rooms would smell nice. Filly went up on the elevator and the room was cold and spacious with two queen beds. There were paint patches on the ceiling in both rooms where it looked like repairs had been made and the door to the bathroom hit the door to the entrance so it was damaged. But those were insignificant things. The fridge did not feel very cool but Filly noticed that it had not been shut all the way. So perhaps it just needed to cool down.
She felt like the room would work so she went back out and re-parked her truck so it did not stick out and got her overnight bag, as well as the cooler bag. She had to make two trips. She dumped all the food in the fridge and stripped out of her dress and boots and put on pj's, a baggy pair of well worn flannel plaid pants and a loose T shirt and her sleep socks. She was not hungry for dinner, as she had snacked the whole five hundred miles of driving, eating almonds, mashed potatoes and green beans leftover from the night before and a couple of Keebler fudge sticks.
She thought the lady at the front watching the Olympics and about the girls on the TV screen who seemed strong and competent in that field. But in contrast, Filly had been watching a show the night before with her husband and the women in that movie were in a war and they did not seem competent in the war arena…even though they were good nurses. Instead of helping assist the fighting of the war effort, the movie had portrayed the women (who were war nurses) as trying to emotionally influence and deflate the men they hung around with when not working. Their negative feelings, seemed to create additional negative drama in the movie.
Her comment to her husband was that women did not belong in a war effort. It was not because women were not competent. It was because of something she had heard in her audio book which said that when a man who has been trained to fight, gets in a bar, all the testosterone combined with alcohol, sets the stage for most fights. Men, according to the author, were taught to use their skills to fight and genetically were predisposed to be aggressive in that regard and be optimal “war machines”. It was not her opinion, but it was an opinion she agreed with. Filly thought that women contributed, not by being in a war but, by giving the world children who had been properly cared for and nurtured and guided who could contribute to the world positively. Men she felt like made the planet better by ruling from a position of strength.
She was glad there were strong women in the Olympics and some women could outperform some men. But generally speaking, Filly believed men were defenders of the homeland.
Probably not a popular opinion, but Filly had just read the review for The Parasitic mind and how people who are afraid to express their opinion because it will be criticized, are being infected with ideas that kill common sense. She read the description and wanted to listen to the book as she agreed with the premise.
Filly also believed that fear played a part in a war. She recalled having fear early in her marriage, after having an onset of panic attacks. They were debilitating. The first one happened after a three hour volleyball tournament game in the sand courts and Filly had gotten dehydrated. She had since learned the dehydration was a key factor for the onset of panic attacks.
And fear of panic attacks in the future could be very difficult to dismiss. Filly remembered how one day she did not want her husband to leave. She did not want to be by herself. The symptoms were horrible. But that day, laying on the floor, she had prayed. God had given her strength over fear, and had told her not to be afraid. So she had gotten up off the floor where she was lying for fear of passing out, and she had told fear to DO ITS WORST. She was not going to tolerate fear any more. She had felt so empowered, and they symptoms diminished rapidly after that. She also stayed away from caffeine and alcohol, and kept protein to eat when she needed it.
Grace from God allowed her to stop focusing on the big things that seemed to cause drama, like who should be fighting a war, and instead to focus on the small things that were positive. Like this morning for example. She had to pack the truck, water the plants, unload the dishwasher, and put the food in the cooler… all small things. She also had to wash her hair and deliver the keys to the neighbor. But even with all these chores to do early in the morning, she still found the time to sew the rip in her husbands plaid shorts that he loved before she left. She did this without resentment and took her time. She also took the time to stretch and do a relaxing yoga on You Tube.
The little things that a person can do that are what actually makes sense and keeps the focus on real things in the present. That was what Filly was trying to do. Not always easy. But a goal worth having. She had started off the morning with a great bible verse, after feeling upset because she had gained back two pounds.
“And thy renown went forth among the heathen for thy beauty for it was perfect through my comeliness, which I had put upon thee saith the lord God”.
Apparently God did not care about the two extra pounds lol.
With this gift of a complimentary bible verse, Filly was able to not fret over the driver who almost ran her off the road. The other small but funny thing that happened was, she had heated her milk and ovaltine in a coffee mug with a pistol for the handle and the trigger had fallen off in the microwave. Filly thought that it was a sign that she should avoid letting herself get “triggered”.
She glued the trigger back on. Sometimes a person needed the trigger. Most times they do not. That is what Filly thought. But she was going to be watchful and listen. Wait to see what God was saying.